


One for Hoping

by AverageEpaulet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - World War II, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Historical inaccuracies ahead, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, It's not about the war anyway, Not based on any real war, Soft Ben Solo, Soldier Ben Solo, World war II-ish setting, nurse rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26712721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageEpaulet/pseuds/AverageEpaulet
Summary: “Good morning, how may I help you?” She wore huge spectacles that made her eyes appear much larger than they were. She was older, her grey hair pulled tightly on top of her head.“Good morning”, Ben swallowed back the shakiness in his voice. “Actually, I was wondering if.. Well, you see, I was here for a while, during the war and-”“You’re looking for one of our nurses?” the lady got a knowing smirk on her thin lips.Ben could feel the heat rising on his face. Of course he wasn’t the only soldier to return with the same idea, but it still wasn’t pleasant to know it was so blindly obvious. It made him feel more and more like the lovesick puppy he felt like, coming after the one person who’d shown him any compassion, rather than a human being in seek of a connection.“Yes”, his head panned down in shame. He regretted coming there.---The war is over and Ben is a soldier, looking for the nurse who treated him after suffering a crippling injury.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 127
Kudos: 420





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote the first half of this one night while half-asleep, found it in the morning and was like okay but why do I like this..? Anyway, I revised it and I'm happy with what came out :)

Benjamin Solo did not consider himself a calm man, or even a composed one. He was not confident in the way a man ought to have been. He felt his nerves in his stomach as he walked to the counter at the entrance hall of the hospital.

He wore ill fitting clothes, a white shirt and riding pants with suspenders to keep them up. His jacket had seen better days and his boots were unpolished. His hat he’d gotten from his grandfather and even that was worn by time and use. 

Everything about his outward appearance screamed that he did not belong in that fine part of town. Not in that hospital, where the walls were painted white and the nurses wore new, bright blue dresses. 

“Excuse me”, Ben knocked on the glass, remembering to take his hat off only after the nurse working there had turned to him. He squeezed the grey flat cap against his stomach, knuckles turning white with how tightly he was holding to it. 

He felt out of place. He thought about how skinny he must look - how skinny he felt in his oversized clothes that had once been made to fit.

The nurse on the other side of the glass lifted her gaze and then panned higher, where his face actually was. She smiled at him, but it felt shallow. 

“Good morning, how may I help you?” She wore huge spectacles that made her eyes appear much larger than they were. She was older, her grey hair pulled tightly on top of her head. 

“Good morning”, Ben swallowed back the shakiness in his voice. “Actually, I was wondering if.. Well, you see, I was here for a while, during the war and-” 

“You’re looking for one of our nurses?” the lady got a knowing smirk on her thin lips. 

Ben could feel the heat rising on his face. Of course he wasn’t the only soldier to return with the same idea, but it still wasn’t pleasant to know it was so blindly obvious. It made him feel more and more like the lovesick puppy he felt like, coming after the one person who’d shown him any compassion, rather than a human being in seek of a connection. 

“Yes”, his head panned down in shame. He regretted coming there. 

“Well?” the nurse behind the glass sounded so impatient that he had to glance back up. She was staring at him with a raised brow. “Are you going to tell me her name, or do I have to guess?” 

Ben’s mouth dropped open momentarily, before he stammered out his answer.   
“Rey. Her name was Rey.”   
Once the words started coming, he couldn’t stop. “She was- tall for a woman, I’d say? But thin. She wore her hair differently- sort of a strange three ties..” he gestured at the back of his head, feeling like an idiot. All the lady had asked for was a name. 

The woman choked out a laugh, before nodding. “Well, that one I could have guessed.” She must have taken enjoyment out of his struggle. He couldn’t really blame her for it. 

The older nurse peered at him, looking thoughtful like she was evaluating his face before giving her answer. 

“Yes, Rey is here. I’ll go and fetch her, if you don’t mind waiting a bit?” she got out of her seat, nearly disappearing from sight. She was much shorter than Ben had realised. 

“Not at all.” 

***

The woman left and Ben felt the urge to walk away, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he left without so much as thanking her. If Ben Solo had been one for hoping, then yes, he might have hoped for something, but he’d come to understand that the world was rarely so generous. 

He stood still and waited patiently for the woman to return, chewing on the inside of his lip. He thought about the fact that he was there for nothing. She probably wouldn’t remember him - she must have treated hundreds of soldiers. Even if he’d felt a connection between them, it didn’t mean anything. 

He thought about what it would be like if he was his own self. The pre-war Benjamin might have stood a chance. Not the skeleton of a man that had come back. His own mother hardly recognized him with his hollowed out cheeks and bones that nearly glowed through his pale skin. He’d filled out a little during the past month, the first month after the end of the war, but he still wasn’t half the man he used to be. 

He didn’t think he was much to look at before, but now even less so. He’d smashed his mother’s mirror in anger that first night he came home. He regretted it now, but then he’d been too frustrated to even consider not throwing it on the floor. His face split in half by a nasty scar that cut across his right cheek and up his brow. He was lucky he wasn’t blind - the cut having missed his eye without an inch to spare. Along with that, he’d lost a leg from the knee down. He hobbled as he walked and struggled to stand for long periods of time on the wooden prosthetic the doctor had given him. 

Yes, he was fairly certain no woman of good standing would ever want him. He was there to say his thanks - that was all. 

The older nurse came through the same door she’d gone through, but she was alone. Ben knew his expression had fallen when the lady smirked at him. She walked right under his nose and corrected her glasses. 

“What’s your name, boy?” 

“Benjamin Solo, ma’am.” he answered quickly. She nodded, looking thoughtful. 

“Any relation to a certain Han Solo?” 

“Ah- Yes. He was my father.” 

“Figures. Take a seat, Rey won’t be out in a while, but she said to make sure you don’t run off.” she poked him in the chest, and he took an unsteady step back. 

He limped to a chair by the wall, all too aware of the old woman’s observing eyes. He couldn’t bear the silence, so instead he opted for a question. 

“So you knew my father?” 

“Yes”, she answered briefly. “I don’t suppose he ever mentioned me?” She followed him by the wall and took the seat that was right next to him. He found it peculiar, but didn’t object. She was sort of intimidating for a woman of her size. 

“I don’t know your name, ma’am.” 

“Maz Kanata”, she said promptly. 

Ben considered, even though there really wasn’t much to consider. He didn’t know anyone of that name, and it had been some time since his father passed away. Ben just thought it would be polite to even try to remember. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t recall.” he finally shook his head, his black hair flipping over his eyes so he had to brush them back aside. He used to have longer hair, but he’d been forced to cut it short during the war. Now it had had almost two months to grow, and it was at that annoying phase where it didn’t fully cover his ears but got in his eyes if he moved his head the wrong way. 

“How old are you, boy?” 

Ben didn’t understand why she was asking all these questions. 

“I’m twenty-eight.” 

“And still a bachelor?” 

He blushed up to his ears at that. He’d lowered his eyes to his knees a long time ago, fiddling with his hat there. He didn’t answer. There was no need to. 

“Well. We’ll see about that.” Maz poked his side, which he did not appreciate. 

“I’m- I don’t hope for anything. She- miss Rey, was there when no one else was and I want to thank her for that. That’s all I want.” Ben bit his lips together, brows drawing to a frown. He was a fool for coming. He didn’t want to get teased on by a cheeky nurse, he just wanted to be done with it. That’s what he kept telling himself, but even he wasn’t sure of the truth in that statement. 

“Rey is popular.” Maz said absently, straightening out her dress. “You’re the sixth soldier to come asking for her.” 

Somehow that made Ben’s jaw clench. 

“But I understand why. She’s young and beautiful, it’s no surprise that many of the soldiers she took care of began to fancy her.” Ben could feel that his reaction was being observed, which was why he let nothing cross his face. 

“Why are you telling me this?”

Maz smirked and stood up. “I was curious why she turned each and every one of them down.” she corrected her glasses once more. “So I asked, and she told me she is waiting for someone, a soldier she treated towards the end of the war. Poor boy had gotten his leg blown off by a grenade and his face split.” she said with feigned ignorance. “But I supposed you wouldn’t know anything about that.” 

She walked back behind the glass before Ben could say anything. That could have been a lie - she probably liked giving empty hope to soldiers who didn’t know any better. At least he wouldn’t have been surprised, even based on their brief interaction she felt like the type of person who enjoyed teasing others. 

Still, it didn’t stop the ever growing thumping in his chest while he continued waiting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of how these two first met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue how I cranked this out so fast. Enjoy

There wasn’t quite a way to describe what it feels like to see a grenade drop a few feet away from you. Ben couldn’t explain it either, but if he had to, he’d say it was something like time stopping.

He had time to make eye contact with the explosive device. Of course it didn’t have eyes, he knew that, but it might as well have had with how it stared at him. He could beg for his life, but only in his mind. In real life he had time to take a single step back before a white hot flash threw him backwards.

It had felt hot and cold at the same time. The explosion was hot, the blood flowing down his face and his, well, everything, was hot. But the mud on the bottom of the trench was cold. The air he breathed was cold, and soon enough, he was cold.

Ben did not remember being carried away, he couldn’t remember who had picked him up or how long it took to get to the hospital, but what he did remember was the angel.

The sweet angel who hovered over his face, looking extremely stern and focused. He could see a light shining behind her beautiful, freckled face and wondered why didn’t she just take him already - take his hand and pull him to the light with her. That would have been nice, he imagined. No, she just hovered there, switching from side to side, and the more she did, the less he hurt. The angel was healing him, he then understood.

He wouldn’t die.

The angel would save him.

Ben dared to close his eyes after that realization. The angel would take care of him.

***

Ben woke up, he didn’t know how much later, but when he did, he was hurting all over.  
He now knew he was in a hospital, which one, he had no clue, but he knew they couldn’t have been far from the action. The building however was a solid one, not a field hospital, so he believed they were at a fairly safe distance - if there was such a thing.

Ben pushed himself to get up, but as he tried, pain shot all through him and he fell back against his pillow.

“Good morning”, his eyes were squeezed shut, but he forced them open upon the kindest voice he’d ever had the pleasure of hearing.  
“How are you feeling?” a nurse had appeared by his bed, wearing a blue dress with a white apron, though the apron had bloody stains on it. She smiled at him, and all of a sudden Ben remembered the angel who’d healed him.

“I’m fine”, he said, his voice hoarse, and he realised his throat felt like a sandpit.

“Here”, the nurse offered him a glass of water, but when he tried to reach for it, she made a sound like one would make to a child reaching for a shelf.

She brought it to his lips and held his head up by the back of his neck. He drank the whole thing, before she let him gently back against the pillow.

“I’ll bring you another one, and some pain killers.” she smiled again, but Ben’s head shot up, making her brows shoot up with surprise.

“No pain killers.” he shook his head. He didn’t want them.

The nurse propped her hands on her hips, her expression like she was scolding him.  
“You don’t make that call, mister.” she said matter of factly and turned on her heels. Ben noted the strange hairstyle she sported. Three buns on the back of her head, instead of one on top, like he was used to seeing.

Ben settled on the bed. He felt like crap, but at least he was alive. So many others weren’t. He looked at his arms, they were mostly intact, but on bruises. His head hurt, and there was a stinging pain on his face, so something was definitely there, he just didn’t know what. He took a deep breath before pulling the blanket off his bottom half.

He nearly cried then. He’d thought he felt strange, but as he panned down his body, where his left feet should have been, next to the right one, there was nothing. There were tight bandages around his left knee, where his leg was cut off.

Ben forced himself to sit up, even though it hurt his every muscle to do so. He had to touch it, he had to be sure. He pressed a shaking hand on the stump of his leg and winced at the pain. He fell back down and sucked in a few sharp breaths. He looked again, but the situation remained.

The nurse returned with a glass of water and a pill in her other hand. She settled both on the small table next to him. She looked at Ben’s horrified expression, before pulling the blanket back over him.

“What’s your name?” she sat on the edge of the bed, her hands neatly on her lap, posture straight. For some reason he felt like she was trying to distract him, take his mind off it, and she was succeeding as well.

“Benjamin Solo”, he answered quickly before adding “Just Ben.”

“Just Ben?” she nodded thoughtfully and took his hand in hers. He shivered at the contact. His hands were freezing, but she was so warm. So warm and soft against his aching skin. She rubbed a thumb over his knuckles, the motion soothing, and Ben found himself slowly relaxing.

“Yea.. just Ben.” he nodded, not being able to draw his eyes away from her face. She was so beautiful. Maybe it was because he hadn’t seen a woman in months, maybe because he’d thought she was an actual angel, but either way she was simply lovely. Her skin was a pleasant tan color, cheeks coated in freckles and bright round eyes with thick lashes.

“My name is Rey. You’re safe now.” she said softly.

“Just Rey?” he lifted a brow, and made her grin. He would have liked to hear her laugh, but alas, no such luck.

“Just Rey.”

She gave him the pill from the table, and when he was about to refuse she gave him such a sharp glare he couldn’t.

“I really don’t need these.” he said as he swallowed it down, followed by another full glass of water.

“Like I said, you don’t make that call. Not when I know what you’re thinking.” Rey poked his forehead. He gritted his teeth. She probably hadn’t meant it, but the poke sent a pain through his skull like someone had struck a knife to his forehead.

“And what is that?”

“I’ve seen it before. Pain is a friend, right? If it hurts, you’re not dying.” she said, again calm as a lake.

Ben felt the need to sink through the floor from shame. Of course she knew, he wasn’t the first or the last soldier she’d treat. As long as you could still feel pain you weren’t immediately dying. It was when the pain stopped, that’s when you were going to die - when it got so bad your brain just blocked it out.

“That’s why I’m here. I’ll make sure you won’t die, so you can take the medicine with ease. Okay?” she squeezed his fingers with reassurance, and Ben managed a reluctant nod. He didn’t want it - but how could he say no to her? She radiated warmth, but that sharp tone she’d used made him want to take his hat off, if he had one, and apologize profusely.

She left soon after that, and Ben drifted to a restless sleep. God, he was tired. He felt like he could sleep for days, but instead he jerked awake every few hours, covered in sweat, unable to find neither calmness nor rest from his slumber.

***

The nights in the hospital were worse than the days. During daytime, the lights were on and there was constant noise from something, people were talking. At night the situation was completely different. The fluorescent light turned off and the only sounds were people snoring or groaning from pain. Ben could not sleep at night, so he slept during the day, waking up only when they were treating his wounds or eating.

“I heard you’ve been asking for me.” Rey said when she brought Ben his plate of porridge in the morning. He’d been there for four days now, feeling slightly less like a rag doll. At least now he didn’t sting all the way to the bone if he changed positions.

“If I recall, you said you’d make sure I won’t die. Now, I haven’t seen you in days, so I was sort of getting worried you’d given up.” Ben scooted higher on the bed to sit up straight while he took the plate from her and onto his lap. He really had asked one older nurse last night when she’d been changing the bandages on his leg. She’d just looked at him through her huge spectacles and rolled her eyes.  
But what was he supposed to do, Ben missed seeing her smile, as odd as it sounded, having seen it only that first day.

“Really, I’ve been taking a gamble every time they bring that pill over.” he shook his head like it was the worst thing he could do.

She huffed out an amused breath, taking a seat on the edge of the bed again. Ben was half making it his mission that one day he’d get a laugh out of her.  
“A girl’s got to rest. I had a few days off”, she shrugged, her fingers curling together on her lap.

“And what do you do when you have such luxury?” Ben spoke with his mouth full, and could almost hear his mother scolding him over it.

“Not much”, she gave him half a smile. “Read, mostly. I used to like walking around the city, but that’s not recommended anymore. Not with- well everything. It’s not safe.”

“I bet you still do it, don’t you?” Ben hitched a brow and she pinched her nose at him.

“Maybe.” she faked an innocent look on her face. “Enough about me, how are you feeling?”

The truth was that Ben wasn’t sure. Physically, he was feeling better, but the realisation that his life as he knew it was over was settling and it made his stomach squeeze uncomfortably.

“I’m fine.” he shoved a spoon full of porridge in his mouth, hardly having time to swallow down when he repeated the motion to keep himself from talking.

“Ah.. I see.” Rey was nodding melodramatically, rubbing her chin as though deep in thought. “That’s a common condition.”

“What is?” Ben’s brows turned to a frown and he settled the spoon back in the plate.

“Fine.” Rey was looking directly at him, her smile gone, like it was never there. “People who say that rarely are.” she kept peering at him, making his pulse race faster with each passing second. “Believe it or not, it’s okay to not be fine, Ben.” the brutal honesty in her voice chilled him to the bone.

Ben had to look away, feeling how his lips began to quiver. He bit them together as hard as he could to hide the trembling, but he feared she already saw. She seemed to see everything - even inside his mind, a place no one had managed to reach so far. He couldn’t be sure if he liked that or not.

She stood up after that, probably sensing that he was not going to open up, but before she went, she straightened the blanket over his legs and stood by the bed, looking like a preppy school girl.

“You can ask for me again.” she said directly, her soft smile making a reappearance on her pink lips. Despite of it, all Ben managed was a lopsided twitch of his lips and a quiet nod. He was staring at his half empty plate, wondering if it knew what that felt like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! ♥:)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben struggles with his new body image and the difficulties it brings.

“How about we try walking today?” the doctor was done checking Ben’s amputated leg, tapping his pen against his file. He wrote something down. He was a middle aged man with glasses perched low on his nose. He looked tired, not finding much enjoyment out of his job.

Ben sat on the edge of the bed, the one foot he had left on the floor.

Walking.

It was such a simple thing he’d always taken for granted. Now even standing up seemed impossible. He’d not even tried since he got in the hospital. He had more or less convinced himself that he couldn’t. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to try - what would he do if he couldn’t? What if he tried and fell down - no, he didn’t want to know.

“Or how about we chop off your leg and watch you hop around like a trained monkey instead?” Ben hissed. “Why don’t I balance a ball on my nose as well, wouldn’t that be fucking hilarious?” He was angry, and he knew it wasn’t the doctor’s fault, but he was the closest thing he could take it out on.

The doctor huffed out a breath more tired than annoyed. He didn’t seem to take offence at his tone. He must have heard worse - just this morning Ben had heard someone list all the curse words he knew of, and then some.

“We’ll start with you leaning on someone. Then crutches, and once your wound is fully healed, a wooden prosthetic.” he put the papers he was holding to under his arm and attempted a smile.  
“It won’t be the same, but you’ll be able to move around without help.”

Ben wanted to say something that the doctor would absolutely take offence to. He had his mouth open already, breath drawn, when the nurse, Rey, stopped next to the doctor.

“Ready for a walk?” she tilted her head sweetly, her question directed at Ben. He exhaled.

“With you?” he didn’t mean to sound as doubtful as he did. He was not a small man, but she however, looked skinny. He imagined he might snap her like a twig if he suddenly couldn’t hold his own weight, and fell on her.

She seemed to realise his concern, grinning a little.  
“I’m stronger than you might think.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to nurse Rey’s capable hands. Plenty of other patients are waiting.” the doctor patted Ben’s shoulder, and in some other circumstance he might have slapped his hand off. This time he didn’t, because he was all too focused on Rey.

“So? Let’s get to it.” she stepped in front of him.

“How does this work?” Ben’s heart was beating faster than it had just a few seconds ago. Maybe walking wouldn’t be so bad - his ass was getting sore from sitting and laying all the time. So it was definitely not just the idea of getting to spend some time with the lovely nurse.

“Well, first, you take my shoulders, I take yours, and you just stand up. Nothing too complicated. We don’t even have to walk far today, just to get a few steps out of you.”

Rey was already reaching for him, when he flinched backwards. Ben swallowed, eyes darting between her extended hands. They looked like they were coming to strangle him. Rey lowered them slowly, letting them hang freely on her sides.

“How about you hold to me first?” she prompted, and Ben swallowed again, for a whole other reason. Ben tried to remember when he’d actually been that close to a woman. It had been some time, during his first vacation, when he and a few of his soldier buddies had gone partying. That was well over two years ago. After that, when he’d had his vacations, his mood had been anything but that for partying.

His eyes trailed up her arms to her shoulders, to her collar that was shut tightly around her neck. The blue color looked nice against her warm toned skin. She’d probably - no, definitely slap him if she knew what he was thinking. Ben wasn’t even a womanizer to begin with. That first vacation, he’d danced with the lady. Kissed her even, but he couldn’t bring himself to do more than that despite wanting to. He’d never see her again, and Ben did not like that prospect, or what it said about him as a man - given that he did not remember her name anymore, he felt like he’d made the right call. Not to say that he’d never been with a woman. He had in fact, but that was further back than just two years ago. But something about Rey made him think about things he thought he might not even need, or at the very least did not miss that much, like what if that dress collar wasn’t so damn high and he could actually see more than her neck and arms from the elbows down.

“Today, Ben.” she said again, and he snapped out of his trance. He had no clue how long he’d been just staring at her.

“Sorry..” he muttered, extending his arms. Rey leaned slightly forward and lower so that he could hold to her properly, before doing the same to him.

“Ready? Just stand. That’s all you have to do.” she encouraged him, keeping her eyes on his. They were so sure - like she genuinely believed he could do this, even though he most certainly didn’t.

Ben took a deep breath before shifting his weight to his single foot and rising. He felt wobbly, not having held his own weight in days, but he managed, swaying a little to the side, but Rey’s shoulder was there to counter the movement and he stayed upright.

Rey choked out a breath and Ben looked down at her, confused what she found so funny.

“What?”

“Nothing”, she shut her mouth to a tight lipped smile. “You’re taller than I realised.”

Ben wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react to that. He knew he was tall, 6’3 when he’d been measured during the enlistment, but Rey was not short either. Her hairline was right around his chin.  
“I take after my father”, he just shrugged. He assumed it was a compliment, or at least a neutral statement, but it could have meant that she was uncomfortable trying to keep a mountain standing. Whatever his mood required for it to be.

“And now we walk.” Rey took a step back, but Ben did not budge. His upper body reached forward, but his foot stayed put.

“Miss Rey, I’m not too sure about this!” the words came out in a near panic shout. He shook his head vigorously. Ben was absolutely sure he’d fall. He didn’t have the best balance with two legs, courtesy of being as tall as he was, with unwieldy, awkwardly long limbs.

She laughed.

Ben’s head shot up, and she was actually laughing, head tossed back and eyes shut. It was the most magical sound he’d heard.

“Miss Rey?” she was smiling up to her ears when she finally calmed down.

Ben’s brows twitched some, before looking coyly from side to side, he cleared his throat. “Mrs Rey?”

She was still chuckling. “There’s no need for titles. It’s not like we used them before.”

“I don’t know, the only thing between my fragile skull and this hard floor is you. I wouldn’t like to insult you at a time like this.” Ben pursed his lips tightly together.

“Well then you better hop on forward, soldier.” Rey lifted her chin proudly. She knew she’d won this one.

Ben etched his bare toes forward on the cold floor, before taking a small step - hop - to her.

“Good.” Rey beamed “Then another.”

That’s how they moved, she took a step back, he jumped forward, small nudges to keep his balance. After making it from one side of the bed to the other, and then back, Ben was exhausted. He was sweating and his leg was hurting from the strain.

“I need to sit”, he huffed. He felt a little pathetic, never having gotten this tired this fast from anything. Rey helped him lower back on the edge of the bed, where he wiped his glistening forehead to his short sleeve. It stinged, the combination of the fabric of his shirt and the sweat getting into his cut.

“That was good, Ben. Really good for your first walk.” Rey sat next to him and smiled brightly. He glanced at her, but turned forward rather fast.

“I don’t know if you can call that walking, but okay.”

“I mean it. You’ll be just fine. Should I get you some water?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m just tired.” he fell backwards, laying across on the narrow bed, his hands clutched over his stomach. He could feel his ribs.

“Actually..” Ben pushed himself up on his elbows. “Could I have a mirror? I haven’t..” his sentence trailed off, he assumed she understood. He had no clue what he looked like.

Instead of her usual encouraging smile, Rey evaded his eyes, hesitating.

“That bad huh..” Ben nodded, almost to himself. “Never mind then.” he curled his legs up on the bed and turned so that he was facing away from her. He felt her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

“Ben- how do I say this.. it’s normal at this stage. You’ve been on the field, I don’t know how long and you’re injured- you might not recognise yourself.” she sounded genuinely concerned, but Ben was hardly listening. He didn’t want to know anymore. It was easier if he didn’t know how hauntingly awful he looked. He wasn’t shallow, but being refused a mirror was fairly telling. On the other hand, seeing how deformed he’d gotten might prevent him from other harm - like getting his hopes up towards a certain nurse.

“I said never mind. I don’t want it anymore.” His tone was icy.

The mattress shifted when Rey stood back up. She spread the blanket over his legs.  
“It’s Miss, just so you know.” she said over her shoulder before leaving. Ben tried to pretend like he hadn’t heard that.

***

Days passed like that. Rey would walk him around a bit, twice a day from there on out, in the morning and in the evening. Just short distances, around his bed, to the door and back. At first it was tedious. Awkward. Ben got incredibly tired each time, sweat on his forehead.

They had to stop when they reached the door for the first time because his knee buckled from strain and he nearly collapsed on the ground. Nearly, if Rey wasn’t there to break his fall.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry.. “ Ben clung to her like a lifeline, his head on her shoulder when she slowly knelt and let him sit on the floor. He did his best to ignore the scent of her hair in his nostrils.

“It’s okay, you’re not that heavy.” she’d said, and that brought up another surge of emotions Ben was not ready to deal with. He could tell he’d lost a lot of weight. When he took his shirt off he would see his ribs, his stomach a hollow dent where it had previously been muscle. Ben had always been physical. Taking pride in that he was larger than most other men he knew and strong too. He enjoyed doing physical labor and working until he was sweaty and exhausted. Right then, he did not feel like himself at all.

“That’s not what I meant.. “ he murmured as he leaned up against the wall. He worried he might have crossed some line, slumping on her like that. He knew it was what she was supposed to do - to catch him if he fell, but he felt like he shouldn’t have liked being held by her as much as he did. It felt like taking advantage of her, even though he hadn’t done it on purpose.

“Then what did you mean?” Rey brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She was squatting down, pulling on the hem of her skirt to keep her position modest.

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Ben shook his head and wiped his forehead.

“Are you sure?” she tilted her head. For maybe a split second Ben considered telling her, but then he just sucked it up.

“Yep, I already forgot what I was supposed to say.” he lied smoothly, but somehow he knew Rey saw right through it. She didn’t push it, though. That he did appreciate. She was always pushing him, asking questions that Ben thought were unnecessary to an extent, but he didn’t feel too bad for answering, but she stopped whenever he came to a wall.

Someone called out for a nurse from the nearby bed. There were six beds in that room, but Ben knew nothing of the people in them - he usually kept his own drapes closed so he didn’t have to look around. Only once they’d started walking around he’d realised that they weren’t just soldiers. Actually there was only one other soldier in the room, the rest were civilians caught in action.

What they all had in common was that they had lost limbs. Hands, arms, legs.

“Are you good sitting there for a moment?” Rey asked, not getting up before he nodded as confirmation. It was not like he needed to be anywhere.

Rey pulled aside the drape that separated the beds for privacy. Ben had time to see that it was a little boy who’d called for her, before she pulled the drape back shut.

Ben sat there, not really thinking about anything, when someone talking caught his attention again.

“Kid”, his head twisted in the direction of the sound. It was coming from the opposite side now. “Kid, can you hear me?”

Ben nearly shivered. His father used to call him kid. Of course, this was just a coincidence, but the word still felt a little nostalgic.

“Me?” he pointed to himself, making eye contact with the older woman on the bed.

“Yes”, she was laying down, her neck strained up. “Could you hand me that glass of water? My throat feels like ash.” she nodded to the table next to her. She was one of the few there who didn’t have their drapes shut. Perhaps she wanted people to be able to talk to her freely.

Ben bit his lips together.  
“I don’t know if I can-” he began, but the woman looked so desperate.

“Please?”

Ben’s heart ached. He had nothing but respect towards his elders, and this woman laid there, so she must have lost some limb as well. She didn’t deserve that - none of these people did. Ben didn’t think he did either, but at least he had lost his leg in the muddy trenches, not trying to live his life somewhere.

Ben considered his options for a moment, before simply crawling to her on all fours, dragging his short leg after himself like an injured animal, as he could not put his weight over the stitches. He gripped the edge of the bed and once he could maneuver his foot under him, he could stand.

“Here”, he kept one hand on the bed for balance, offering the glass to the lady.  
That’s when he thought to look at her. She was a tiny old woman with a wrinkly face and perfectly white hair, missing one arm and both her legs from half the thigh. He winced before he could stop himself.

“I’m sorry, let me.” he corrected himself and helped the woman drink, the same way the nurses had done to him the first couple days. Now he could very well drink on his own, but he remembered it still.

“Thank you, kid.” she said after she was done with the water. She looked at Ben and smiled at him kindly. She lifted her single hand and pointed to the dog tags hanging from his neck.

“Do you know John Brown?” she inquired, her head tilting slightly. Ben shook his head.

“Too bad. I would like to know if he’s still alive. My dear grandson..”

“Do you know where he was last posted?” Ben scratched the back of his neck. He didn’t know why he was still talking to her.

“He’s a pilot, that’s all I know.” she shrugged. Ben swallowed. Their air forces had been nearly wiped out. Only a few planes remained. They flew old models that just weren’t a match for the opposing new fighter planes.

“Ah..” the old woman nodded, catching his silence. “Well that’s good then.”

“Why is that good?” Ben couldn’t fathom her calmth to the news. His grandson was most likely dead blown to bits in some air battle he had no chance of winning.

“He doesn’t have to live like us.” she said surely, looking between Ben’s leg and herself. “Though you seem to be doing well for yourself.” she grinned and smacked Ben’s wrist. “With a nurse like her.. I’d have a less sour look on my face.”

Ben laughed, nervously, but laughed still. “I don’t know what you mean.” he looked down, knowing how his ears had just blushed.

“Oh, I’ve lived long enough to know.” she nodded surely. “And you’re like my blessed John. Heart on his sleeve...”

That Ben couldn’t deny. He’d always been emotional. Couldn’t hide his anger, his joy or sadness, which had caused much headache to his parents, when he was still a growing boy. He tried his hardest, and as an adult he thought he managed to keep his face impassive, but his eyes still gave away too much to his liking.

“You’re still young, kid. I am not, but I still have my one hand and I plan to make good use of it, and I dare God to try and take it from me.” she did not sound at all like someone who’d lost three fourths of her limbs.

Ben was about to say something to continue their conversation, when he felt a palm on his shoulder. His head jerked to see Rey’s smiling face maybe a foot from his.

“Have you been lying to me?” she asked with a grin “Because I swear for the past week I’ve been trying to get you to walk or even stand up on your own, and now, suddenly, you can do both just fine.”

Ben choked out a laugh, shaking his head. He pointed to the water glass with a teasing smile.

“Well apparently the nurses here are too busy, so I have to take matters into my own hands.” he knew Rey would not take offence. She didn’t, but she did brush past him to the old woman.

“I’m sorry Mrs Williams, you should have called for me if you needed something.” she pet the old woman’s head and she returned Rey’s sweet smile back to him.

“Oh I don’t mind. Besides, he’s a fresh change of pace. All the nurses here are women, one can only get bored watching your fresh faces all day.” she rolled her eyes and grinned at Ben, whose eyes nearly fell from their sockets. He turned rather quickly, ears burning hotter when Rey laughed.

“Well I hate to tell you but I need to escort your change of pace back to his bed. Maybe he can hop on over tomorrow.”

For the first time in weeks, Ben slept that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading, your kind words and kudos ♥


	4. Chapter 4

Ben brushed a hand over his head. His hair was starting to grow back - though currently it was only about an inch in length.  
He was more than glad about it, he used to have long hair, well past his ears. He hated his ears more than he hated his nose, and that was saying something.  
His mother had joked that when he was a baby he was 50% ear, but unfortunately he’d yet to grow into them. At twenty-eight, he was beginning to think it wouldn’t happen.  
He did not enjoy having them openly presented like this, so he was eagerly waiting for his hair to grow back so he could never ever cut it again. 

That’s when Rey came with the scissors.

“Oh hell no.” Ben protested before she could get a word out, shaking his head like she was about to snap his dick off. 

“What?” she asked playfully, spinning the metal cutters around her finger. There was genuine curiosity in the way that she looked at him, but Ben was not falling for that trap. 

Ben backed, escaping the bed from the other side. They’d given him crutches after his little incident with Mrs Williams. It was now proving a mistake, since as it turned out, he was pretty slick with them - at least when he wanted to be. When he was annoyed or otherwise moody, which was often, it counted as a job to get him on his feet. 

“I don’t care what the health code says, I’ll wash it twice daily if that’s what it takes, just don’t cut my hair, please.” he pleaded, realising that he was more or less trapped. His bed was in the corner, the only way out of the room to his right, if he didn’t want to jump out the window, and though he really did hate his ears, he figured he wanted to keep at least one leg. 

Rey blinked at him, looking confused for a few seconds before she placed her hands on her hips. 

“No.” 

“Rey, sweet, kind Rey, I’m begging. You don’t know all the crap I get for my ears. Cut them off, but not my hair, please!” Ben was trying to see a path to the door, wondering if he could be fast enough to pass Rey, but he knew her to be fast in her turns as well. 

“You’re going to have to come up with better compliments if you want out of this one.” the corner of her mouth tugged up, but she hid it fast. Ben however had time to notice. His lips twitched some too. 

“How about lovely? Sweet, kind, lovely Rey, please.” 

“Nope.” she didn’t hide her smile that time. Neither did he.

“Okay, gorgeous, wonderful Rey, I beg at your feet, please.” he took a bold step closer to the bed, so his hands were now on the edge of it, keeping his balance. Rey mimicked his pose. 

“Getting better”, she leaned closer, holding his gaze daringly. Ben didn’t want to admit it but he really liked how this conversation was turning out. How most their talks were, recently. They always started out innocent enough but somehow it always just ended with them flirting. 

“And what exactly is happening here?” 

The doctor, who Ben now knew was also named Ben, Ben Kenobi, moved his glasses on his nose and observed the scene with great interest. He stood there with the drape pulled aside enough for him to be standing in the opening of it. 

“Mr Solo here is refusing treatment, doctor.” Rey said without removing her eyes from Ben’s who now felt a little sheepish. 

“Doctor, I really don’t think it’s necessary to-”

“Mr Solo, the stitches will have to be removed. It won’t hurt.” 

Ben’s mouth dropped open. 

“What?”

“Honestly Benjamin, just let me take the stitches out, I’ll be careful.” Rey pleaded like she was genuinely heartbroken. Ben looked between her and the doctor, snapping his mouth shut. He could feel the heat on his face rising higher by the second. 

“Fine.” he grumbled under his breath as he crossed over to the other side of the bed. 

“Thank you for your cooperation.” Kenobi nodded and left. 

“You are evil”, Ben rumbled as he scooted on the edge of the bed, glaring daggers at Rey who was laughing under her breath. She turned to pull the drapes fully shut, before returning to stand between his knees, to pull his shirt over his head. The cut extended over his pectoral to his forehead, a clean cut, to his luck, if there was any luck to be had when you were basically split in two. 

“I thought I was gorgeous and wonderful.” 

“Those aren’t mutually exclusive”, Ben mumbled as she began her work. She said nothing at that, just smiled as she focused on cutting the tiny strings poking out of his skin. 

Ben closed his eyes while she worked, close and careful. He liked how warm her fingers were when they kept brushing against him. She was so close he felt a bit odd just staring at her focused face. Her nose pinched when she really concentrated, which he found adorable, but really did not need to think about when she was standing mere inches from him. 

“Are you really that self-conscious of your ears?” she asked quietly as Ben listened to the snip of the scissors against his cheek. He didn’t dare to move a bit. 

“I hate them”, he said lowly. 

“I think they’re cute.” Rey whispered, tracing the left one with her finger from the tip to the lobe, and watched it instantly turn red. 

“Stop that.” 

“So very cute.. “ she sang it like a jingle. Ben kept his eye shut but he had to bite his lips together to keep himself from grinning. 

When Rey was done, she went to fetch him a bucket and soap. The scar would have to be cleaned. 

Ben had been very strict about washing himself from the very beginning. The first time they came to him with that bucket of hot water and a towel he’d made it very clear he could wipe his own ass and wash his own dick. He would have wanted to do it all himself, but the cuts needed a bit more of a delicate hand. They’d come to an agreement that he could wash everything else himself. 

Rey was back swiftly, dabbing a wet cloth over the scar that split him. 

“It’ll heal nicely”, she told him, and all he could do was believe her. He still hadn’t seen himself except in poor reflections on the windows, but from what he could tell, he did not look good. Pill white, hollow cheeked.. It was not pretty. 

Ben didn’t comment, but he did look at Rey doubtfully. She pressed her palm on the opposite side of his face and smiled softly.  
“You have my word.” she promised, and Ben hoped she was right. 

She finished cleaning the cut before handing him the towel and leaving the bucket on the floor.  
“You know the drill. Face, privates, pits, I’ll be back with clean clothes in around ten minutes.” 

It was admittedly nice to get fresh clothes. A white shirt like it always was and loose pants he could tie to a knot at his knee so it didn’t wag needlessly in the air. 

***

“Are you alright?” 

Ben did not like the way Rey squinted at him, holding to the bowl of vegetable soup she’d brought him for dinner. 

“You look a little pale.” she placed the food down on the small nightstand, trying to reach for his forehead, but he waved her hand off. 

“I’m always pale.” Ben countered, much rather focusing on the food. “Besides I’m hungry, so if it’s anything, it’s that.” 

Rey looked unconvinced, but stopped her pestering. There had been small signs of infection on the wound on his leg, but nothing a wipe of alcohol couldn’t fix. 

Ben spooned up the soup, only to find out he didn't really have an appetite. His eyes lingering on the window. The weather was beautiful outside. It was the first time since he got there that he was paying any attention to details like that - the first time he wanted to go outside. That’s why he’d opened the window, to get some fresh air. It was far into the fall, so soon it would start being so cold keeping windows open wasn’t an option. 

The doctor had come by and said something along the lines that once they remove the stitches from his leg in a few days he was free to go home. They’d give him the prosthetic that they’d already fitted and measured, and send him on his way - they’d tested that he knew how to fasten the prosthetic on and take it off, that he could stand up with it. The rest he could learn on his own. 

Ben wondered what home even meant in that moment. The place where he’d grown up was a battlefield, the people who’d lived there had been evacuated elsewhere. From what he had heard his mother had been moved to the neighboring city from here, so maybe he could go there. He’d really like to see his mother. He wondered if she knew he’d been discharged. 

“Do you think the war will end soon? It said so in the newspaper.” Rey chatted absently, her mind seemingly elsewhere as well. “I can get it for you if you want to read.” 

“I don’t think it’ll ever end.. not really.” Ben looked at his food, his appetite gone. “Humans are stupid like that.” He forced down the few pieces of carrots he had left and placed the bowl down. 

“I guess I understand what you mean”, Rey bit her lips. Ben didn’t understand where the sudden need for this type of discussion was coming from. If anything, he’d rather not talked about the war - in a political sense or any other. 

He drew a breath to say something - then froze. 

“Ben?” Rey’s brow shot up. 

“Hush”, he lifted his index finger, focusing on listening. Rey attempted to hear, but couldn’t, maybe a distant buzzing if she really, really tried to hear something, but it could have been anything. 

“Bombers”, Ben then said, never having sounded so sure in his life. It was the one thing he knew by heart. He was already on the floor, tugging Rey by her arm to go under the bed. 

“Ben, I really can’t hear anything-” Rey protested, not budging from her seat on the foot of the bed. 

The next second the emergency siren rang out through the whole city. Ben's body moved on its own. He swooped Rey off the edge of the bed and onto the floor. The first bombs hit the streets just outside, shaking the whole building - the window next to them blew inside the room. 

Rey yelped, but Ben crowded her, pulling her head against his chest. Ben felt tiny pieces of glass fall on his head, like someone had thrown pebbles at him. Still, he preferred them falling on himself, not her. 

"It's okay, it's okay. They won't hit a hospital, they won't hit a hospital." his voice was shaking, but he had to keep talking - to her or to himself, he didn't know.

The whole building shook again. 

Shelves and tables tipped over. People were screaming down the hall.

But that's not what Ben found himself thinking. He held Rey tightly, shielding her from anything that might drop on them. He listened to her rapid breathing, he could feel it through his thin cotton shirt. She made a sound every time there was an explosion, and her fists tightened on his shirt. Her legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him closer. 

He thought about himself and his own life, how he would have been happy to give it up if it meant she survived. The roof could collapse on him and he would have been glad if it meant that she didn't have to take the blow. He'd already lost so much - if he could protect the one thing that still made him smile then he was going to do it. Ideally, he would have survived the process to witness that smile another day. 

He thought about her and how tiny he was beneath him, how tightly she latched to him with every limb she had, like she was the one holding him, like the times she’d walked him around and he’d tripped. 

In a way, she was the one supporting him. If she weren't there Ben probably would not have ducked for cover. He would still lay on that hard bed and wait and pray for the strike, instead of waiting and praying for the opposite. He knew many of the soldiers there thought the same. Some of them he knew were absolutely hoping for the bomb to hit - to put them out of their misery. 

But she held him, grounded him, made him want to survive. He knew she probably didn't think about it that deeply, that she was most likely this sweet and playful with all the soldiers who she treated - but he couldn't help but feel a little special. Ben knew himself to be a simple man, but he hadn't expected to be quite this easily drawn in. A pretty girl gave him a smile and he was suddenly all warm inside. Maybe that was the point. A lot of the soldiers there had lost everything, maybe she made it her business to smile a little, flirt a little, hold their hand a little. To give them a little something to look forward to every day.  
If that was the case then, he felt as though he had to protect her. There were people who needed her, him being one of them. 

What followed the last bomb was silence. 

No one dared a word, all that could be heard were silent sniffs and panting breaths. No one was getting up. All waiting for one more hit that wouldn’t come - the sound of airplanes overhead was gone, and what remained were ruins. 

Ben lifted his head slowly, trying to catch his breath, he looked down at Rey laying beneath him, unharmed to his relief. She was staring at him, her full lips parted to accommodate her elevated breathing. Her hands still clenched his shirt, legs wrapped around his hips. 

Her hair was mussed, escaping the buns and framing her face. Ben wiped a strand off her forehead and breathed in deep. He thought her absolutely beautiful like that. The silence remained, building in the air between them just waiting to break. 

Ben could sense his pulse elevating, he knew he was blushing, feeling his arousal. The need to get off of her was urgent, before she could realise anything. When he leaned up however, he was met with resistance, Rey’s palms stopping him. Her tight grip on his shirt had loosened but instead of letting go, she reached higher, cupping Ben’s face between her hands. She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs, trailing the rounds of his lower lip, her seeking eyes fixated there. 

“R-Rey..” he breathed her name, making her lift her eyes to his. Her cheeks were a shade of pink they hadn’t been before, pupils wide and heated, the way he imagined they’d be if they found themselves somewhere private, somewhere with clean white sheets and pillows. 

Ben swallowed slowly, his breath as shaky as his hands when he lowered himself back down. He rested his head against her chest, where her heart thrummed against his ear. He could feel Rey’s rosy lips press tenderly against his forehead. She trailed her fingertips along his neck and scalp, twirling circles on the soft hair on the back of his neck. 

***

The hospital was in shambles. Truly - there were more broken windows than there were intact ones.  
Rey herself felt like a broken window.  
She moved around the building, not really even sure that she was doing it. She’d been in bombings before, seen people blown to bits but somehow she’d never been this out of it, and she believed she knew why.

They found none dead, but people were shaken, everywhere you looked there were pesky shards of glass that needed to be dealt with before they hurt anyone. It was going to be a long and exhausting night. 

When she passed one specific door on the second floor and couldn’t help but peek inside. Her eyes fixed on the bed in the upper left hand corner even before she could fully see it. When she saw it empty she automatically looked to the lower right hand corner, not ten feet from where she was standing. 

Ben Solo sat on the foot of Mrs. Williams’ bed, playing cards. It was sort of humorous to watch because despite only having one hand, Mrs. Williams was wiping the metaphorical table with him. 

Nerves of iron, Rey noted herself thinking. It had been maybe two hours from the bombing and these two were acting like it was like any other Tuesday evening.  
She entertained the idea that they’d both seen worse, but she wasn’t exactly sure if that was such a positive thing. 

Rey smiled a little at the scene when Mrs. Williams slapped her cards down and laughed in victory. Ben looked mad about it, his ears burning a little from how frustrated he was getting from losing all the time.  
Rey’s chest thumped. She didn’t really understand their friendship, but Ben was always in a better mood after talking with the older lady - even if he had not won their little card game once. 

“Everything alright here?” she asked as she entered the room, making a quick glance around, but everything seemed to be in order. The glass had been cleaned from the floor and nurse Maz Kanata was just on the other side of the room talking to the other soldier occupying the room. 

She liked how Ben’s face lit up every time he saw her. He had such a stern face usually. Then when he caught himself he toned down to neutral. He really was cute. This time however, he looked at her and blushed, panning down to fiddle with the sheets bundled in front of him. Rey did not blame him for it - She could feel her own cheeks burning up a little. 

Rey knew the expression he was sporting. She’d seen it before, but on Ben she did not mind it. That look of affection that so many soldiers had shown her, but that somehow felt completely different coming from him. Perhaps because for the first time she felt her own heart echo the call. She didn’t know why, by any logic he should have been just another soldier, another patient, but whenever she was around his adorably awkward persona, she felt all warm inside. Hopeful for the next day.  
Then there was what she’d felt just a few hours ago with him laying on top of her, the warm, needy pulse beneath her skirts that she didn’t feel too often - the one that urged her to play with herself when she was alone in her bed at night. 

“The kid is hopeless.” Mrs. Williams said and packed the cards to a pile. 

“I’ve noticed.” Rey couldn’t help but tease him. It was so fun to see how his ears changed color to his mood. 

“Uncalled for.” he grumbled lowly, and snatched the pack from Mrs. Williams. “And we’re not done yet. I deal. It’s obvious you cheat.” 

“I do not need to cheat!“

“You’ve had four aces, four times in a row!” 

Rey laughed, leaving the two to their game. Technically it wasn’t allowed, but they weren’t gambling and it was better that Ben spent time actually talking to someone, than just laying in his bed, feeling sorry for himself. Rey wondered if that had anything to do with it - that Mrs. Williams was such a fiery old lady despite losing all but one arm. Rey hoped so, it was good if Ben could have someone to look up to. 

Rey headed home for the night. She returned at noon for the afternoon shift. She hated that she did not have time to go say hello to Ben, but she figured they could both manage one day. 

Upon leaving at 8pm, Rey was tying her scarf around her neck in the changing room, shutting her long jacket tightly over her blue nurse’s dress.  
She really disliked working on the upper floors where the injuries were more minor, but that made the people loud and often times obnoxious. Her bottom had been slapped not four but five times that day by soldiers recovering from gunshot wounds. She found herself thinking that Ben had never acted so vile around her, never whistling after her, calling her disgusting things or touching her in uncalled for ways. 

She was about to leave when she decided against it and would go greet him instead. She would have two days off work from now, as silly as it sounded, she didn’t want him thinking that she’d forgotten him. 

Mrs. Williams was flipping through a newspaper, it wouldn’t have been odd if this time of evening wasn’t the usual time for their card games. Ben didn’t sleep well at night, even though he denied it being from stress- it was, but Rey wasn’t going to have that argument with him, and Mrs. Williams was a night owl. 

“Good evening”, Rey stopped by her bed first. Ben’s drapes were shut. 

“Good evening dear”, Mrs. Williams smiled, turning a page on the paper. 

“No games today?” 

“Oh the kid was looking rather pale this morning, said he felt tired. He’s been sleeping all day.” 

Rey nodded. Yesterday had been a rather stressful day and perhaps he was more affected by it than he cared to admit. Poor guy had probably laid awake all night and now he was catching his sleep. Rey would not have been surprised. 

“Well I’m going to say hello anyway.” Rey patted the back of Mrs. Williams’ hand, before walking across the room to the corner bed. 

She pulled the drapes aside enough to get in. Ben was on his side, facing the wall.

“Hello, sleepyhead.” Rey spoke quietly, shaking him gently by his bicep, only to draw her hand away immediately. His skin was clammy and hot, leaving a sheet of sweat on her palm. 

“Ben?” Rey crossed to the other side of the bed. He did not respond. His eyes were squeezed shut like he was in agony. Rey pressed a palm to his forehead, he was burning up like a stove.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom, Rey POV out of nowhere because I thought it was about time we get at least something form her. 
> 
> Up next: Pain station


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fever

Ben couldn't sit still anymore. It felt like hours had gone by in the waiting room since Maz Kanata left him to sit by himself.

He got up and paced, feeling like he should not have been moving around so much, with how he couldn't bend his leg at the knee and had to hobble to move, but he still preferred it over trying to sit down, rummaging through his anxieties. 

He was nervous, that much was plain to see. He reasoned to himself that the odds of her having forgotten him were low, but the odds of him making a fool out of himself were much, much greater. It didn't matter what Maz had told him, the fact was that he did not believe her. There had to be other people with similar injuries. The more he dared to let his imagination run wild the harder he'd fall back down to reality. The reality where no one could possibly, actually fancy him as he was. He was nervous and irritable, shy and awkward. He'd left the hospital without saying anything to Rey because among other things that made him a poor excuse of a man in his eyes, he was truly and utterly scared. 

He had to protect his heart, he absolutely had to. It was all he had left. 

It made no sense that he was there now. Ben felt like he was losing his sanity - He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t. It was all too much. He did not like to appear vulnerable, he’d worked too hard to try and hide his emotions to spread them out all over again. 

He stopped his pacing and looked directly at the door that led to the inner parts of the hospital and wondered what would wait for him beyond it. He wanted to think it was something good, the sweet smile that he’d missed so much or the bright laughter that he could almost hear.

More likely however, he figured it would be disappointment and needless heartbreak. 

Benjamin Solo lowered his head to look at his worn hat, at the tiny threads that had come loose from the corners. He’d tried to fix it many times but they still kept sticking out. Every time he sewed it back together, he wondered how long it would last before he had to do it all over again. He couldn’t help but feel much like the hat in that moment. 

He put it back on his head and left the building. 

***

"Ben! Wake up. I said, wake up, damn it!"

The voice sounded like it came from underwater. It was a woman speaking, and she sounded frustrated. His cheek was being patted sharply enough that it should have woken him up, but instead that too felt like something numb. 

Ben blinked his eyes open, staring up at a lovely face.

"Good, good, stay awake. Okay?"

"I remember you”, How could he forget that face, that beautiful creature with healing hands. "You're the angel who cured me before.. With my leg." he couldn’t believe the angel had come back for him.

"What..?" The angel’s brows drew to a frown. Ben did not like that. He'd made the angel upset. 

"Are you going to take me to my father? He's waiting in heaven.. I hope he'll be glad to see me." He missed his father. It had been over ten years since he passed but not a day went by that Ben did not wish he was still around. He'd love to tell him about Rey. Han would have loved Rey, he just knew. 

"Ben..” the angel’s harsh tone softened, and she shook her head gently, she appeared hurt by his words. 

Ben wondered what he could say to make the angel smile again. She’d probably like hearing about things that made him glad. 

"I think I am in love with a woman, her name is Rey. I want to take her to my mother. She'll bless us. She'll be glad that I am not alone anymore." He felt so light, being able to tell the angel. She looked like Rey. Maybe that's why she was protecting him. His guardian angel that shared the face of the woman he so adored.

The angel said nothing to that, but if he wasn't mistaken, the angel was crying. He felt bad again - no matter what he did his angel seemed determined to be upset. 

"Before that, you'll have to fight this fever, Ben. Please. One more battle, okay?" the angel spoke softly, her voice sounding teary. He didn't like that. His angel shouldn't have a reason to cry. 

"I'm cold." He whined then, even though he was sweating. How could one be sweating and cold at the same time? He was so tired. So damn tired. It would be okay to fall back asleep, wouldn’t it, with his angel guarding him. 

***

Rey was shaking when she measured the penicillin to a shot. She couldn't see the lines properly with how much tears were blurring her vision. She felt a familiar hand press on hers. 

"Child, you're trembling." Maz Kanata corrected her glasses. "What's the matter? I thought you went home." she was panning her up and down with concern riddled all over her. 

Rey felt sick to her gut. Ben had woken up just briefly, but made no sense. He looked right through her like she wasn’t even there, and spoke strangely. He’d never brought up his parents to her - and she didn’t know how to even begin to handle his last confession. 

He loved her. She didn’t even know if it was true or just the fever talking, but she’d burst to tears all the same. Her heart had clenched in her chest like it would rip through her sternum with how hard it beat. 

"He's dying." the word didn't feel real on her lips. He couldn't be dying, he couldn't. Not when he just said those things to her. Not when she wanted to be able to repeat the words to him and know he would hear her.   
"He's.. Running a high fever- hallucinating- Maz I can't-" she dropped the needle to the table and buried her face in her palms. 

"Sweetheart, who is?" 

"Benjamin Solo, the soldier with the amputated leg." Rey wiped her eyes. "I need to get back there-" 

"Rey, stop. Why are you crying?" Maz held her wrist, preventing her from leaving. Rey looked back at her, tears streaming down her face. Rey couldn’t remember a time when she’d cried for a patient, or rather, she couldn’t because she hadn’t. She just didn’t do that. She could be nice, smile sweetly and hold their hands when they hurt, but she never cried. She knew Maz knew this too. 

"I don't want to say.."

“Why?”

Rey looked at the ceiling, swallowing back her tears. Why indeed was she crying? She ought to have been happy that the man she yearned for loved him. If it was any other circumstance, she would have been glad, overjoyed even, now, the words tore at her very soul for how much they hurt. 

“If- If I say it and he doesn’t make it.. I don’t know if I’d ever stop crying.” 

Maz let her go after that, following soon with the medicine with her. She wasn’t about to let Rey medicate him herself in the shaken state that she was in. 

Ben was still asleep, twitching occasionally, making Rey's heart shatter where she stood. She didn't shake him awake that time, just sat next to his head and pet his hair. 

Maz went to his leg, tossing away the blanket, pulling away the bandages. 

"Mother of Christ.." Maz chucked the bandages on the floor. The wound was cherry red and leaking fluid. 

"Has no one checked on him today!?" she shouted the question through the room to the hallway, but got no answer. Whoever had worked this floor that day would have hell to pay. 

"I don't know, I wasn't here- it was just a little red yesterday morning. I disinfected it-" Rey answered, sounding smaller than ever. 

"This isn’t your fault, Rey. No one has changed his bandages today. This might have been prevented.." Maz was rumbling under her breath. Even if they couldn’t have prevented the infection, they could have given him medicine before his fever got so dangerously high. 

"Either way, he needs the penicillin. Hold him still for a moment." she waited for Rey to pin him before sticking him with the needle. He did not even flinch at the sting of the metal. 

"Make him drink the fever medicine, double the dosage and.. Maybe pray." Maz pulled the blanket back on his legs, foregoing the bandages. They weren’t going to do any help at this point. Maz also knew Rey wasn’t the praying type. Still she understood that the older woman meant no harm. 

She got Ben to stay moderately awake, enough to get him to drink the medicine, after that, he went back out cold like a candle. Rey shook off her jacket and shoes, and climbed on the bed. She leaned against the headboard and held his head on her lap. At that point she did not care one bit how inappropriate that was, or mind the rather questioning scowls some of the nurses passing by gave her. 

Rey drew tiny circles on his forehead with her fingertips, trying to keep herself calm. She smiled when she touched his ear and it turned red despite him being unconscious - they were sensitive to touch, she realised. 

Time ticked slowly. Ben stayed put for a long time, so long that Rey was fairly sure she dozed off for a moment, because she flinched when Ben suddenly jerked awake. She made a quick look at the clock on the opposing wall, telling her it was a little past midnight. 

"Rey", Ben was shaking like a leaf. 

"I'm here", Rey said, but he did not look at her, just fumbled around with his hand. 

"Rey- Rey hold my hand, please, hold my hand, hold my hand-" his voice was a desperate, tear filled whine. Rey grasped his hand with both of hers, bringing it over her heart. 

"I don't want to die, please, don't let go, don't let go of my hand- I don't want to-" he pleaded, shaking so vigorously it was a miracle he stayed on the narrow bed. Rey’s eyes were flooding once again, she couldn’t say anything, she couldn’t do anything more to help him. She’d never felt so useless. 

Another long hour followed that, one where Ben shook and cried wordless tears for the whole time, until the shaking slowly but surely eased. 

"Can you hear me?" Rey spoke quietly, swallowing back her tears. He nodded as an answer. 

"I think your fever is coming down a little." she kissed his knuckles. She didn’t want to hope, but he was not nearly as burning as he was a few hours ago. 

That time Ben looked up, his eyes hardly focusing. But he was looking at her. He was looking at her with huge eyes blown open with curiosity and fear. 

"Tell me about yourself." he whispered. 

Rey blinked down at him. She didn't understand the reasoning why he was asking all of a sudden, but she took a deep breath and answered. 

"My name is Rey.. I'm 23 years old, I went to nursing school.. I- there isn't much to say about me." she shook her head, feeling oddly modest talking about herself. “I- I lived in an orphanage until I was thirteen.. Maz took me in after that.”

"I want to know everything- what's your.. What's your favourite color?" 

"Yellow." she said simply "Like sunflowers." 

"Sunflowers.." Ben repeated, like he was deep in thought, though Rey knew that was unlikely in his state. "I haven't seen those in a long time.." 

"Me neither."

"I want to take you to see.. Sunflowers.. When I get out of here." he nodded his head, relaxing against her thigh again. He wasn't looking at her, his eyes were closed, but she could tell he was listening.

"I'd like that very much.. So much, Ben."

"Good."

"I'm holding you to that offer." Rey dared to joke a little. She turned their hands so that she could pet the back of his. "What about yours?"

"Blue. Like the ocean.. And the sky.. Your dress.."

"My dress?" Rey's lips tucked.

"My mother had this garden when I was little.. And there were these.. Huge, blue butterflies there." his speech was a little slurred, but nothing too alarming. It could have been that he was beginning to fall asleep again.

"Blue butterflies, huh?"

"I don't know what kind of butterflies they were but they were always my favourite." 

"Is the garden still there?"

"No.. It was caught in the war. My mother had to move out of the way." he curled a little closer to her, his breathing calming. His trembles had toned down to occasional shivers that passed through him in waves.

Rey remained quiet after that, waiting for his breathing to settle again. She bit her lips tightly, continuing to pet his damp forehead. He’d need more medicine soon, to keep the fever down, but she dared to think the worst was over. 

***

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

Ben had barely made it down the hospital steps when the stern voice of Maz Kanata stopped him. He looked up to see the older woman stand there with her arms crossed and a nasty scowl on her face. Somehow she reminded him of Rey, in all the good ways. 

“I don’t know..” he shrugged, tucking his hands in his jacket pockets. His head tilted down again. He really didn’t know. 

A silence stretched between them, during which Maz had walked down the steps. She did not reach Ben’s shoulders in height, but somehow, even standing so low, Ben felt like the small one. 

“You don’t know?” she lifted a daring brow. He shook his head as an answer. 

“Sit down, Solo.” she pointed at the steps, and even though he did not want to, he obeyed anyway. The older woman came to sit next to him, them both looking to the street, not at each other. 

“I remember you, from when you were staying here.” Maz did not even glance in his direction. 

“I don’t remember you, I’m sorry.” 

If Ben was being honest with himself, he did not remember anyone else but Rey. Rey and Mrs. Williams, but for completely different reasons. His last few days in the hospital were a blur. He’d gotten a fever, but he did not remember any of it. Rey had said he went in and out of consciousness for two days straight, hallucinated even, but he had no memory of it. Just some strange bits without context, like memories of a distant dream. Something about angels and flowers, which made absolutely no sense in his mind. 

“You look scared.” Maz said matter of factly. 

Ben did not answer, but he figured there was no need to.

“Rey was scared too.” she did not turn to look at him, even when his head jerked in her direction. 

“That woman held you for two whole days while your fever was up, she didn’t eat, she didn’t rest, just waited and feared for your life.” her tone gave away nothing. “I’ve never seen her cry before. Not for anything or anyone, except you. So if you plan to walk away now-” 

Ben was listening, but he stood up, cutting off what Maz was saying. Somehow he knew Rey’d been with him while he was sick, he knew that on the same level that he knew the sky was blue behind the clouds and that the sun would come around each morning. He wasn’t actively aware of it, but he never doubted it either. 

There were salesmen on the other side of the road. People selling their products, hand woven clothes, apples, potatoes, carrots, eggs. Ben was staring at a little girl with baskets upon baskets of sunflowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! ♥
> 
> Idk if you could tell but I had no clue what I was doing while writing this :D Just powered through I guess.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey Kanata was a bold woman, in a way that a woman ought not to have been. In the way that made men scrunch their noses in distaste and elderly say that she’d never find a husband acting so blunt. Rey did not care much for either of those opinions. 

She’d not had the easiest lot in life, living in an orphanage, until she was thirteen and got taken in by a small, wrinkly faced woman with huge glasses. 

She did not understand why a lone lady like her would want a child, until she realised that like her, Maz Kanata was also a bold woman. 

A very bold woman indeed, and she raised Rey to be nothing short of that. 

A week ago however, Rey’d found herself in a situation where she’d cried her eyes out for a man - something that had never occurred before. 

Now, with his fever down and the infection dealt with, Rey stared at an empty bed, where there were clean, changed sheets and no Ben Solo to be seen, like he’d never even been there. 

Rey thought she knew what pain felt like. She really did think she knew, but at that moment it dawned upon her that she’d never been quite so hurt in her life - so hurt in fact that she was furious. 

When the obnoxious soldier from the third floor had the nerve to pinch her behind that day, she did not ignore him like she usually did. She turned, slowly, and looked at the slob of a man right in the eye, not even blinking with how angry she was. 

“I will cut your hand off.” she informed him, matter of factly, like the image of tranquility. Rey’d sawed off shredded limbs before. It made no difference to her if the hand in question was intact or not. 

Rey’d never seen a man pale quite so fast in her life. 

“Sorry, ma’am.” 

“You’re not.” she knew that as well, because that was not the face of a man sorry for what he’d done, that was a man scared of her - and somehow, that was better. 

***

“You’re not eating your dinner.” Maz looked at her over the small dining table they shared in the two bedroom apartment that they both called home. 

Rey stared at her plate. She didn’t have an appetite. 

“The bastard left.” she grumbled, poking at the boiled potato and carrots on her plate. 

“Who?”

“Benjamin Solo.” Rey gripped her fork so hard it bended a little. 

Maz just nodded thoughtfully, lifting a piece of potato to her lips and blowing on it. 

“And you think he won’t come back?” her brow was arched high as she observed Rey’s reaction. 

“Why would he?“ Rey poked the food on her plate, her elbow on the table. If he’d had the common decency to even say goodbye, give her any explanation, any promise on whether he would in fact be coming back or not, then maybe she wouldn’t have been as angry as she was.

But he hadn’t. 

Doctor Kenobi had informed her in the morning that he was free to leave, his stitches had been removed the previous day and the prosthetic fit well - Rey’d gone to see him a little past noon, thinking he’d still be there, but they’d already changed the sheets for a new patient. 

“Well, if I’ve learned anything, he will.” Maz shrugged, like it was plain as day. 

“What do you mean?”

“Describe him to me”, Maz fixed her glasses and pursed her lips. Rey groaned, rolling her eyes in her head. What was there to say? He was an asshole, that was for sure - that was the main thing on her mind at the moment at least. 

“An asshole.” Rey voiced her thoughts. “And.. cranky like a child. He’d bark at everyone else but me- well sometimes he’d bark at me too. And I guess he was funny, sometimes. Awkward.. Clearly shy but trying to hide it.” she bit down the fond sort of smile that dared to bloom on her lips. She was determined to be mad. 

Maz followed along, listening intently, watching her expression. 

“And.. So unsure of himself. About everything- everything new was terrifying to him, the walking, the crutches.. Even though he got really good, fast, once he tried..” Rey’s speech slowed as realisation began to dawn on her. 

“Is it possible that a man like that might be scared of this as well?” Maz’s head tilted to the side. Rey’s mouth parted slowly. Maz was right - of course she was. 

“He’ll come back. Won’t he?” 

“I think that’s a real possibility.” 

Rey could eat after that, her anger mellowing significantly. 

Two days from there, peace was declared. 

Five times Rey had to be disappointed when a soldier came to ask for her. She wasn’t the only nurse who got people coming after her, so that was a relief. She’d known to expect this. It just broke her heart a little every time it wasn’t him. 

Then, a month after, Maz walked to her and took her wrist. She didn’t say anything but just held her hand for a breath before daring a close lipped smile. 

“Someone came asking for you. A soldier that walks with a limp and has a scar down his face.” she watched Rey’s expression widen. 

“It’s him, isn’t it? Maz, don’t mess with me like this, if it isn’t.”

“He didn’t say his name but he did have the most impressive ears.” Maz winked. It was him. Rey’s heart began to instantly thump in her chest, but she was in the middle of her rounds and couldn’t just leave, even if she wanted nothing more than to go and see him. 

“Can you tell him to wait? I get off in an hour and a half, make sure he doesn’t leave.” Rey gripped Maz’s hand and the older woman nodded surely. 

“Oh I’ll make sure.” she gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze. 

***

“What are you doing?” Maz stood up with Ben. He turned to the older woman and without even thinking he grabbed her shoulders. 

“Sunflowers! Something about sunflowers- there was..” his eyes had a strange hopeful glint to them. He knew it was on the tip of his tongue, something important was dawning on him. 

“What was it?” 

A third voice joined the conversation, from top of the staircase. 

Ben could have wept from seeing her again. Rey was just as lovely as he remembered, with freckles that spread in her cheeks like the vast expanse of stars he would hoped to trail with his fingertips - and possibly with kisses, delivered in the warm glow of a fireplace.  
Her eyes were that same beautiful hazel, more green than brown and she was looking right at him. Only difference was that she was not smiling, she looked reserved, which did not help with Ben’s insecurities about the whole thing.

Ben obeyed the compulsion that told him to take his hat off, mushing it tightly in his hand as he lowered his gaze. She had every right to be angry with him, he knew it, and he was waiting for her to start yelling - it was the least he’d deserve. 

"Hello", he managed quietly, his throat bobbing furiously as he swallowed. 

Rey bit her lips back together and walked down the steps. Half way down she started crying and ran the rest. Ben could not have prepared for the way she lunged against his chest and his balance gave out. The gravely ground made a thud where he fell on his behind, pulling her down with him.

"Hi", she murmured back, slotted between his parted legs. She relaxed against his chest, arms around his middle. When his arms finally wrapped around her, she tightened her hold and nuzzled her face to his shirt. Ben dared to lower his head on top of hers. Even her hair smelled as good as it had, if not better.

"How are you?" Rey asked quietly.

Ben sucked in a breath. He was half trembling.  
"I'm-" he wasn't quite sure how to finish that sentence.

"If you say fine, I'll punch you."

He choked out a laugh.  
"I'm not." he whispered. "I'm not fine at all.. I'm a fucking mess actually, and- and-"

"Ben.."

"I promised to take you to see sunflowers.."

He remembered. Not everything, but that promise was clear. 

Ben’s breathing was shallow as he waited for an answer, he was sure he’d have a heart attack any second now if she didn’t soon say something. Rey lifted her face from his chest, panning up to look him in the eyes. Her lips were turned to a lopsided smile. 

“You came back”, she spoke quietly, and Ben did not miss the way her throat moved in a swallow. He managed a shaky nod. He did not know how he’d ever imagined he could simply thank her and leave, without his emotions spilling out of his mouth like from a waterfall. That had been his plan, but she was right there, and she was trembling just like he was, and she’d hugged him and she was looking at him with those bright, hopeful eyes and- 

“I’m in love with you.” he wasn’t even fully aware of speaking. The words just left him like they had a mind of their own, something out of his control. 

Once again, Rey fell silent and Ben feared he’d screwed up, until she tenderly cupped his cheeks and smiled so radiantly it warmed him to the core, like a ray of sun had landed on him. 

“You told me already”, she stroked his hair out of his face. “During your fever, you told me.” 

If Ben hadn’t been blushing before, he sure as hell was then. 

“Oh..” he pinched his lip between his teeth. “A-and... did you answer..?” 

He sounded so scared Rey almost wanted to tease him, but she was certain it would be too mean. She shook her head. 

“I didn’t.” 

“Right..” his eyes fell. Of course she hadn’t, there was nothing to answer.  
“I’m sorry, I think I’ve misunderstood something..” he attempted to pull back but Rey’s hands held him in place. He flicked his gaze back up to her. She was still smiling so softly at him it felt almost cruel. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d make it through the night.. I didn’t want to..” she sighed, following the line of his scar with her thumb. Ben was hardly breathing anymore. “If I told you I loved you too and you died.. I think that would have been too painful.” her eyes settled on his. “But I do love you, Ben.” 

Ben’s heart leapt and he had to blink profusely to keep from crying.  
“Even though I’m not.. fine?” 

“I never knew you when you were fine.” Rey reminded him, and he took a deep, calming breath. “But I’m sure I will love you then too, once you get to that point.” 

Ben chuckled out a laugh, leaning his head against her shoulder, where he remained until he could stop shaking. 

“Pick whichever you want!” the little girl selling the sunflowers smiled at Rey, who’d gotten her coat and scarf from inside. Ben stood a few feet away with his hands in his pockets. 

Rey went through the flowers, meticulously examining each one, even though to Ben they all looked pretty much the same. 

Finally, after careful consideration, she took out one with nearly half the pedals pulled out.  
“This one.” she said with determination. Ben blushed a little with the pointed way she looked at him. 

“Miss, that one’s broken.” the little girl shook her head “There are plenty of better ones.” she attempted offering Rey an intact one, but she wouldn’t budge. She kindly waved the little girl off. 

“I know.” she was still staring at Ben. “I want it anyway.”

Ben’s eyes prickled, and he had to blink furiously again to shake it off. He pulled out a few pennies and gave them to the girl with a thank you. 

He offered Rey his elbow with a shy smile, which she responded to immediately, looping her arm with his. Her head found a place against his shoulder as they continued down the road. He couldn’t even begin to describe how right it felt to have her there. She tucked the flower in her top most bun and smiled. 

The roads were filled with rubble and parts of houses had collapsed, but everywhere they looked there was life. People going about their business. The world was coming back alive. 

They walked for hours, just catching up. Ben told her that he’d moved to a small farm house on the east side of town with his mother. It was for rent, but he hoped to get them a few chickens and a cow or two before winter. He’d be more than happy if one day she’d agree to meet her - he was old fashioned in that way, though his mother had been pestering him about bringing a woman for show since he turned eighteen.

Rey would have liked to ask why he hadn’t, or why he wasn’t married, being nearly thirty years of age, but then again, women of her age were usually married as well. She decided it was a topic for another day. 

"Well.. This is where I live." she gestured behind herself and smiled uncharacteristically shyly. They were in front of an old apartment complex made of red bricks. It wasn’t fancy, but it was nice - much nicer than some of the houses on a poorer side of town. Since it was both her and Maz paying rent, they could afford it. Though Rey considered Maz to be some sort of mother figure, she’d insisted on paying rent once she was old enough to have a steady income. 

"I'm glad that you came with me today." Ben smiled coyly, his head tilting down slightly. Rey made a chuckle, stepping forward to trail her arm behind his neck. She’d gotten on the lowest stair to be on eye level with him. 

"You know I was thinking, it's not that late..” the sun had not even set yet. “If you wanted to come inside? I can make us coffee. I might have something stronger as well."

"I don't drink- but uh.. Coffee.. Might be nice." Ben murmured, chewing on the inside of his lip. He’d never been invited to a woman’s apartment before. He wondered if it had the same meaning as when a man invited a woman to his home. 

"Coffee it is then.." Rey was leaning closer, gently pulling Ben forward by his neck. He hesitated. He could feel the heat of her skin ghosting over his lips. 

"Rey- are you sure you want me to- I mean, can I-"

"Just kiss me already, silly grouch." Rey laughed. Ben swooped the small distance so fast their front teeth clashed.

"Ow-" Ben hissed, but Rey just laughed even harder.

"Easy there.. I'm not going anywhere." she whispered and gently captured his lips.

Ben's heart fluttered as he could finally taste her. Her lips were as sweet as he'd imagined.  
Her fingers curled behind his head, nails scraping deliciously on his scalp. Ben couldn't remember if kissing had always felt this good or was it because it was her he was kissing. He chose to believe in the latter.

Rey parted with him first, keeping their faces close together. 

"How about that coffee?" she asked breathily, making deep smile lines appear on Ben's cheeks as well as around his eyes. 

"Yea, I think that would be great." He allowed her to lead him upstairs, to the fourth floor in apartment number 34. 

In this context, coffee surprisingly meant coffee. 

They sat around in the small kitchen, slowly sipping from their mugs. Their drinks had long gotten cold, but they just kept talking. They couldn't be too loud, Ben wasn't supposed to be there anyway - it was a women's apartment complex. 

Their fingers were twined together over the table that stood between them. Ben's eyes started to get droopy as the clock ticked closer to midnight. Time really did fly. 

"Are you sleeping better?" Rey crossed the distance, coming to stand between Ben's knees. She traced the shells of his ears with both her hands, before letting them rest on his shoulders.

"Not actually", he looked up. He smiled, but there was pain etched there. “I sleep but I keep jerking awake in sweat.. nightmares.. The usual.” he didn’t really want to talk about it. He knew it was common with soldiers returning from the war, but he’d hoped he wouldn’t be one of the people who got them. It was just his luck that he was wrong. 

"I should probably get going..." he stood up to leave, but instead of going, he tilted Rey's chin up to kiss her again. 

She sighed against his mouth, melting against his chest as her tongue playfully poked at the corners of his lips - he returned the favor and she gladly opened her mouth for him. Ben’s hands moved to her hips to pull her as close as he could. Her lithe frame was so warm against him. He was trembling, but attempted to hide it the best he could. 

"Maybe.." Rey breathed against him, her fingers dipping under the collar of his shirt. "You could stay.." 

"Rey-" Ben nearly growled, his hands moving lower, squeezing over her round behind. Rey shivered. It was definitely different from when it happened in the hospital. She could feel his grin against her mouth as he trailed even lower and hoisted her up by the backs of her thighs. He wobbled, having forgotten his bad leg, and hit the small coffee table with a bang. One of the mugs tipped over and fell to the floor, shattering. 

"Shit- sorry.." Ben began his apology, he'd buy her a new mug. All the new mugs she wished for, but Rey just grinned, chuckling out a low laugh that tickled his spine. 

"Don't break yourself." She squirmed so Ben let her feet back on the ground, but didn’t pull away one bit, their bodies still flushed together. 

"I forgot", he said murmured. He tried not to let it bother him, that he couldn't hold her like he would have wanted to, but it still sort of did. He’d have to work on that. 

Rey was back to kissing him, her hands working open the buttons of his shirt. Ben backed her against the nearest wall and ground against her, dipping to kiss along her jaw while he worked their hips together in slow rocking motions. A low moan escaped him when Rey reached between them and cupped the shape of his hard length over his pants. 

Ben undid her dress buttons that were still tight against her neck. He shoved the blue dress down her shoulders to kiss her collarbones, that were to his pleasant surprise, also covered in freckles. 

“Bedroom’s over there-” Rey gasped when he graced his teeth on her sternum, pointing to one of two doors on the other side of the small kitchen. 

Ben nodded eagerly, but did not stop mouthing her chest until they heard the front door open and shut, followed by a clearing of a throat. Both their focus flashed to the woman standing across the apartment. 

“Evening”, Maz Kanata looked between their red faces. Ben stood slowly back to his full height, painfully aware of the tent at the front of his pants. 

“I uh-” he coughed “I was just leaving.” it wasn’t that people did not have physical relationships before marriage, they did, but it was still frowned upon if you got caught. 

“I thought so too”, Maz nodded, walking further into the house. She did not give them the privacy to fix their clothes in peace, so they both had to button back up under her scrutinizing gaze. 

Ben stared at Rey, lifting his brows up, trying to pass the silent question of why on earth had Maz of all people just walked in. Rey caught his drift, and once her buttons were completely shut, she took his hand and held it firmly. 

“Ben I’d like you to meet my mother.” she said as officially as she could. Upon seeing his confusion she added “Adopted”, to the end of her sentence. Ben cursed quietly under his breath. Maz seemed to enjoy the whole situation a little too much, a devilish grin on her face the whole time. 

“Well?” her arms crossed over her chest. 

Ben breathed in deep. He had to do this properly - he was raised better than not to. 

“Ma’am”, he reached over to shake her hand. “My name is Benjamin Solo. I.. I care for your daughter. Very much so. I’d be honored if I could see her from now on.” 

Maz squeezed his hand unnecessarily hard. “Hello, Benjamin. I just want to know one thing. Will you run away again, if things become difficult?” 

Ben’s heart beat in his chest, he felt shame, but it was quickly over-run by confidence he was not used to feeling. He’d never been so sure of anything in his life. 

“No, ma’am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can't believe I'm done! This took a few days longer to write because I was trying to decide if I should try and split this into two chapters, but then I thought, you know what, I am happy with this as it is :) 
> 
> I absolutely love and adore all the support I've gotten, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♥ I love reading and replying to comments :) Kudos and feedback are always appreciated and help a ton ♥


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